Hi Gang-

Gayle had her eye painted today and left the ocularist quite disappointed. He still has some work to do on it (clear coats and polishing etc.) and we are supposed to pick it up and have the final fitting next week. My question is this - is it realistic to believe the prothstetic eye should look IDENTICAL to the other one? I thought it looked good, but until it is in it is hard to really get the full picture. Gayle felt it "looked painted" and that the pupil did not look right. I was wondering if some of you could remember to the first eye you received and how you felt. I was so hopeful that Gayle would be happy after the appointment and it is hard to see her disappointed.

Thanks in advance for listening and for your responses.

Bob

The prosthesis looks totally different in the eye than out -- when out it looks like a kid's toy. When in, people have a lot of difficulty telling which of my eyes is the prosthesis.

She should expect a very close match, BTW, i.e., one which at 2 feet a person would have a difficult time telling the prosthesis from the real thing. What the ocularist has the most problems solving are things like shrunken sockets and eyelids, which they just don't have much control over.

I could always rely on my husband for his frank honesty. The day I received my first eye I was so excited, but only had the opportunity to glance breifly in the mirror before leaving my occularists. I rushed to his office to show him and when I took off my sunglasses, he studied it for a full minute, then said - take that out and put your patch back on - it makes you look like a gecho lizard. Wow - too much honesty for the moment!!When the swelling completely went down it did look better and my second eye several years later looked even better, but my point is - don't get your hopes up too high. So many factors are involved and although there are perfect artificial eyes, they are still artificial. Still, most people don't really notice minor imperfections and don't really care.

Bob,
Not all ocularists are created equal. Have Gayle express her concerns to the ocularist and ask for adjustments to the areas where she has concerns.

No person is going to be able to create what God created, as we all know here. Getting it as close as possible is the goal. There are techniques that should reveal if the pupil is in the right place by shining a light from beneath and the reflection should reveal the correct pupil placement, ask the ocularist to show you how he is ensuring that. Also the prosthesis may often look different in different lighting.

I usually spend a lot of time in the mirror the first fiew days, it can take a few weeks to adapt to the new eye and the look, but if after a month, if she still has serious concerns, it may be necessary to return for further ajdustments.

If she still feels very strongly, maybe another ocularist can offer a different approach and skill set. I have never had two eyes look the same, nor even close. Not even from the same person.

Let's look at this another way. If Gayle were having a custom made dress done, how would she approach that? Woud she walk out of there settling for a dart in the wrong place? Heck no! She'd tell the seamstress how she felt.

We are not victims here, we should feel as though we can tell our ocularists that we aren't satisfied with the way the pupil is placed, the size, or where it is looking if it isn't what we think it should be. If one leg of a pair of pants was too short or a different color, we certainly wouldn't just settle for that - would we? Why in heaven's name, do we do that with our eyes?

Because we feel like we "have" to, but we don't. Our self esteem is a bit on the fragile side sometimes but we just have to be better advocates for ourselves and our families, partners and friends can help to help advocate for us when we are feeling vulnerable. This is a very delicate process, maybe moreso for the women who's eyes are the windows to our souls - as we've read in all those girly novels. Now one of our windows has mylar on it.

Bob, may I suggest you ask Gayle for permission to advocate for her with the ocularist and express her concerns if she lacks the strength right now? If I recall correctly, Gayle is also dealing with the loss of an eye and the result of the surgery not just a new prosthesis.

I have to share that my husband called my ocularist to express how disappointed I was without telling me. I later found out when I was so depressed that none of my family could stand me any more. I am an advocate for others in my work but had a hard time mustering up the energy to advocate for myself. After he did that, I was transformed and really stepped up to the plate advocating for myself. I felt like I wasn't alone in this process and it energized me.

I hope that this is helpful... I know that I rambled.

Bob,
My husband went with me to all the appointments while my eye was being made. He would watch everything, every time the ocularist put it in and took it out. He was thrilled and amazed once the final product was put in my eye.

I started a new job last month, and I finally told some of the people that I work with that my left eye is not real, and all about the melanoma I had, the surgery, and the making of the eye....none of them could believe it. One of them said "I'd have never known if you hadn't told me." So if you and Gayle are not happy with the product that the ocularist has made for you, tell him/her so, have them fix it or go somewhere else. I'm thrilled with my ocularist, as is my husband and my family and friends. My friend even told me one day that she forgets that it isn't a real eye. Good luck!

Renee

Certainly!

John L. Hadlock, BCO, BADO
Board Approved Diplomate Ocularist
Certified by National Examining Board of Ocularists

(480) 962-5841

He has 2 offices, one in Mesa, AZ and one in Phoenix, AZ. The phone number is for the main office in Mesa.

Renee

Hi all-

Just returned from the ocularist with Gayle's eye. Overall the actual color is amazingingly close to her good eye. She had a good amount of sinking of the orbit after her enucleation so her eye has a sunken in appearance toward the nose. He had built the eye up knowing this was an issue and the side towards her ear looks better. He wants to gradually build it up in order to push the orbital fat tissues forward - so he is going to make a new eye with more build up to give her in 2 weeks while she adjusts to this one. He is also going to make the pupil a bit larger to better match her good eye. So.....I would say he did a very good job at this point and has a pro-active plan to improve the overall outcome. He is very detail oriented and willing to do whatever it takes for an excellent result. He did mention the ability to do a surgery to add orbital mass, but feels he can accomplish it without surgery..but we know the option exists. Gayle is not nearly as happy with it at this point as I am, but she is seeing the sunken look as a HUGE thing whereas I don't think the average person will be directly drawn to it.

BUT it is not me dealing with it and I know I can only support her, not convince her of anything. She actually just came downstairs and had done some dark makeup over good eye and it balanced the look out well. I do see the shortcomings and we will make a list as the ocularist has asked us to do of any changes or issues. We go back in 2 weeks for the next step - will keep you all updated.

Thanks for the support so many of you have given us - this website and the people here are such a blessing.

Bob